I had a dream about my Facebook page last night.
Really? That’s what I’m dreaming about? Don’t I have better things to use my unconscious time for?
Apparently there’s something about my FB page that is hitting a nerve for me. So here it is – my strong reaction to something. And of course by now I know that to follow the clues offered by my strong reactions means to find my liberation.
I dreamed my Facebook page “So You Think Parenting is About The Children?” had been wiped clean and I had to start writing all over again. In the dream I felt deeply weary at the thought of having to do that.
When I woke from the dream I wondered, ‘Why is it such a wearying thought?”
Yesterday someone asked me about this project, “What if you stopped it all now?” she wanted to know. I tried to picture it. I was curious about whether it would feel like relief or not.
My immediate internal response to her question was that this blog is unstoppable. It’s mine, I love it. I do it for me. It has taught me so much and especially since I started the illustrations (my sister calls them ‘illuminations’ – bless her) it’s been lots of fun. I suppose that was when I really took ownership of it.
So the blog is unstoppable, but what about the talks and workshops I asked myself? Well, that’s still new and I suspect I’m going to love it. It feels unexplored so I don’t want to stop that now. Ok good, moving on.
The Facebook page… ah now that felt different. That would be a relief to stop. But that’s such a surprise. At the start the FB page was the MOST fun of all for me – now this dream and this feeling…
I know what it is.
Yesterday my answer came immediately when she asked me – but I didn’t like it and I tried to ignore it – so I had a dream about it.
Helloooo? Why aren’t you listening?
Because the answer demands something scary of me.
This is what I knew straight away; Right now, I’m doing the FB page for other people.
That’s what the problem is. Those darn stats show me what people seem to like and I’m finding myself trying to do that. Trying to target what in marketing they call the ‘sweet spot’. Doing what I’m ‘supposed’ to do to ‘get numbers’. Ugh.
I need to go back to doing it for me – the way I did at the start. My dream was redirecting me back to what I know.
So like everything else in my life, very much including parenting, I need to listen closely to what is true for me and honour that – rather than following how others say it ‘should’ be done. Hell, it’s my life. If I don’t live in it, it’s just empty space.
So ok, I agree to my subconscious’ suggestion to ‘start again’. I know it’s my truth. From here on my intention is to focus on what feels right for me on the FB page. It was the ‘platform building’ thing that hooked into some of my stuff and scared me into doing it for others instead of for me.
But I really must say that this feels scary to do because it feels even more exposing.
I guess that means it must be true.
Going to take that step forward and see…