Hope you enjoyed last week’s commercial break – and now back to our friend Judgement. (I know the title says ‘change’. Bear with me because it’s judgement that blocks change.)
Judgement casues havoc everywhere – in parenting, relationships, politics, diet, exercise – judging, judging, judging how it ‘should’ be, “Hmph, look at how they’re doing it. I wouldn’t do it that way …”
WHY, dammit, why do we do this??
We judge something because we think it’s supposed to be a certain way, and it’s not being that way. We like things to be the way we think they should be. It’s ‘right’ when people are kind and respectful to each other and don’t cause malicious harm. When it’s not that way we feel scared and angry. It’s ‘right’ that my child should listen to me, care about how I feel and do what I ask of him. I don’t LIKE it when he doesn’t.
Why don’t I like it? Oh let me count the ways…
Actually, on close inspection I see, all roads lead to dear old Fear, usurper of the capital of the inner empire.
If my child doesn’t listen to me then I am unimportant. That scares me. If he doesn’t care how I feel then I am unimportant and unloved. That scares me. If he doesn’t do what I ask I have no power. That scares me.
See? Fear, fear, fear.
I judge his behaviour as ‘not right’ which in essence means, ‘not the way I want it to be’ – or even more honestly, ‘threatening to me’.
My friend tells me she can’t read my blog every week because it makes her face herself, and there are some days she’s just not up for that. Too much self-judgement. My client tells me she can’t make the changes she needs to make, even though she’s trying so hard. And she is trying. I see it. But she’s struggling to make the leap into accepting a world that seems ‘not the right way’ to her. If she tries out new behaviour and it scares her she immediately feels its ‘wrong’ and her judgement shuts it down. It blocks her from the transition into even greater light.
Judgement seems to be one of our main impediments to transformation. And judgement arises from fear. Fear of pain. Fear of feeling powerless or unimportant. Fear of the unknown. Fear of our own greatness.
What will it take to live fear-free? What do we need to be able to take a deep breath and just cross over into unfamiliar territory without worrying what others will think? Without being held back by how we thought things would be. Without clutching onto our old perceptions of what ‘success’ looks like.
What do you teach your children about courage and acceptance?
Do you practice what you preach?
Over and over I think living fear-free comes down to K N O W I N G that you are fine just as you are. That regardless of whether your child or partner or boss or mother listens to you, you are important. You always have power to decide – even if it’s to decide how you choose to respond to an unwelcome situation. To KNOW you are capable and worthy of loving and being loved. That you are more than your personality. There is a light that shines within you that can never be put out. No matter what. Choosing to see that light and trust in it.
What helps me face Fear and stand my ground is the belief that the true capital of the inner empire is Love. Love.
If I remember that all roads lead to Love, I have no reason to be scared, I have no reason to judge – because whoever and whatever is ALSO on the road to Love. If I remember this with my child or partner or boss or mother then I become open to cross over into unfamiliar territory. I know more Love awaits me there.
I wish you fear-free living – and the courage to see your light – even if it looks different than you thought it would.