Self-development won’t change you

By Eilat Aviram

For many years, I diligently went to therapy, did personal development courses, read self-help books because I assumed it would make me different to who I am.

I was doing it to change and be better. To embody my Higher Self.

The future, better Me I was striving to become would be more zen. She would be able to feel her feelings and be mature in her responses, to remain unruffled by things. She would have self-confidence all the time and know what to do in any situation.

Yes. That is what I was going to be.

But you know what I’ve discovered?

Self-development actually makes you more of who you already are! THAT’S the healing. That’s the becoming.

If someone had told me that some years ago I would have been SO depressed.

All this work for nothing? I would still end up being me?

BUT now I’m not depressed about that. I think it’s totally marvellous! What a relief! What joy!


I’ve definitely changed from all this courageous self-exploration I’ve done.

I’ve healed many of my old hurts and beliefs which frees me up. And as I become free, I develop and get to know my abilities more and therefore I’m becoming more and more who I’ve always been.

I feel more like the child I used to be before I learned to try to be what I thought others would want.

And I’ve learned to deeply love that child.

I freakin’ LOVE her!


So what I’ve realised is that self-development is not a process of changing yourself.

It’s a process of accepting yourself more and more deeply EXACTLY AS YOU ARE.


As I do that my reactions change.

I’m calmer. I am actually more zen.

Because it’s ok. Who I am is ok. Whatever happens is ok. If I get it right or wrong, it’s ok.

Whether I know what I’m doing and feel confident or I am insecure and uncertain, it’s ok. Whether people like me or not is ok.

Because I’ve got my back.

I like me.

I’m on my team.
I accept me.
Just as I am.
I am who I am.
There’s nothing I can really do to change it.

And why would I?
This is my design.


What’s yours?

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Eilat Aviram is a Daring-Decisions Teacher.

She's worked with people for 25 years as a clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, best-selling author, speaker and energy-healing teacher and she is passionate about helping people dare to love themselves in their moments of decision and find the courage to live their truth.

Eilat Aviram