I can’t believe I was doing this! You’re probably doing it too.

By Eilat Aviram

The other day I had a huge realisation.


A revolutionary, change-my-life, rock-my world clarity moment.


It was about my weekly schedule.


I’m not joking.



I was sorting out my appointments for this new year 2021 when suddenly I looked at my calendar and saw SO clearly that I’m systematically doing something which makes me unhappy.


And I teach and write and run courses on how NOT to do this …

yet here I was building it into the foundational structure of my daily life.


I do it with loving consideration for myself and others but my weekly calendar shows me in black and white (and also in really cool peach, pink, purple, blue…) that…


are you ready for this?


I wasn’t.


It shows me in writing,


MY writing,


That I put other people’s needs and expectations ahead of my own.






Here’s what I realised I do. And what most of us do.


We think it’s normal.


I schedule the things that are most important to me AROUND the things that I feel I’m supposed to do.


I SLOT MYSELF into my own schedule which I fill with OTHER PEOPLE’S needs.


And some of those needs aren’t even real. I think maybe I create them or imagine they’re expected of me when they’re not.


It never stops surprising me how deep this people-pleasing thing goes and how there are always more and more layers.


When I saw it I shouted aloud, “WHAT?! No more!” (very dramatic I was)


Then I did something very exciting and the results have been great and I highly recommend you do it too.


  1. I started with a clear calendar. As though there was nothing in it yet.
  2.  I asked myself, “What do I want in my life? How would my life look if it had everything in it that I love and feels important to me?”
  3. I made a list of the things that are important to me. It included time with people I love, creative projects, self-development stuff like meditation and reading, work I’m paid for, work I love to do that doesn’t directly bring in money, chores and things I do to keep my home and body and family healthy and balanced, time alone, time in nature… It was a long list.
  4. Then I asked myself how much paid work do I really need to do to survive comfortably. To be happy and content enough without feeling stressed. Because having enough money to not feel stressed is a self-care thing. But making money the focus of your life is not. So how much time do you want to dedicate to paid work?
  5.  Then I created my new schedule with time for everything I love. Even if I can only do something once a week or once a month, it’s there, built in. I’ve lovingly declared my desires and my needs important.

It has been AMAZING. To walk around feeling that my life is FOR ME.


It’s a crazy, simple, beautiful thing.


So, if you loved yourself, what would you include in your daily and weekly and monthly routine?


If you have permission to exist as you, to create a life that reflects who you are and what you love to do, how would it look?


If you want a nice life, you have to do things you love.

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Eilat Aviram is a Daring-Decisions Teacher.

She's worked with people for 25 years as a clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, best-selling author, speaker and energy-healing teacher and she is passionate about helping people dare to love themselves in their moments of decision and find the courage to live their truth.

Eilat Aviram