Is it a love letter – or a hate bomb?

By Eilat Aviram

It suddenly occurred to me the other morning, that everything I do is the equivalent of me writing a letter to myself.

I’m sending myself messages all the time!

When I choose what thoughts to focus on, when I choose what food to put into my body, when I choose whether to put my phone down and chat to my loved ones, or do my paperwork instead of watching the next episode…

Every action I take is me sending a letter to myself.

It’s a message I’m giving to my life.

The question is, what’s in the letter?

Is it a love letter?

Because I think that when I do the thing that makes my heart and soul sing – I move my body, I choose to pause and breathe and look at the flowers, I stay present with the person I’m with, I eat vibrant food, I take the time to journal…

When I do those things I’m sending a love letter to my life.

I’m telling my life I love it. I’m telling it how wonderful and beautiful it is. I’m telling it I want to be with it and adore it.

I love those moments. They feel so good.

Because we all know those other hate-filled kind of letters…


Those nasty, stinky bombs of viciousness,

‘I’m not good enough. I should try harder. I don’t care, I’m going to eat that thing anyway even though it makes me feel bad later, I’m going to watch another episode and pretend my urgent paperwork isn’t waiting for me and stressing me out so badly, I’m going to roll over and press snooze again and I’ll meditate and exercise another day…

I hate my life. I hate my body. I hate myself.  This is so hard. This sucks. Why isn’t is easier? Why couldn’t I be different than I am?’

Every single action we take…

Every thought we choose to focus on…

Is a letter to ourselves and our lives.

It’s a comment on our worth.

From us to us.

Each choice I make is me declaring my opinion about me and my life.

So, as you face the fridge, the TV, your phone, your morning, ask yourself this:

‘Is this choice I’m making, this action I’m taking, this thought I’m thinking, a love letter to me?

Or is it a stinking hate letter?’

And even if you’re angry with yourself, or you feel disappointed with your lack of progress, or you judge yourself for being who you are…

Sending yourself hate mail only makes it worse.

But sending yourself some love letters, can start to change things between you and you.

It’s actually been researched – when you think someone likes you, your esteem of them goes up.

That’s why that whole, “My friend thinks you’re cute” trick works.

So use this to your advantage.

When you stand in that moment of having to decide which thing to do, ask yourself:

Which choice will tell me,

‘I love you. I think you are wonderful and worth making this effort. It delights me to please you and create a joyful life with you.

If I loved myself, what would I choose to do now?’

What love letter will you send yourself today? Let me know?

leave me a comment. i'd love to know What you think.

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Eilat Aviram is a Daring-Decisions Teacher.

She's worked with people for 25 years as a clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, best-selling author, speaker and energy-healing teacher and she is passionate about helping people dare to love themselves in their moments of decision and find the courage to live their truth.

Eilat Aviram