Are you full of ‘should’?

By Eilat Aviram

Many of us are guilty of Perfection Abuse. (My friend came up with this term the other day. I think it’s brilliant! Thanks Andreas.). Perfection Abuse is when we angrily shame anything that we judge to be ‘not the way it should be’.

The thing is, that if you don’t change your ‘shouldy’ mindset, you’ll apply it to everything you do. It’s so deeply ingrained and sneaky, that it just hops onto whatever next thing you decide is good for you.

Do you know what I mean?

You choose to meditate but you think you ‘should’ feel a certain way while you meditate. So if anger or restlessness come up during your meditation, you feel annoyed or disappointed with yourself for not meditating ‘right’.

You lie down to read a book but judge the kind of book you are reading. It ‘should’ be more intellectual or less nerdy.

You make yourself some healthy food but you know it’s not as organic as it ‘should’ be.

You had an amazing day with your partner or child but afterwards you ignore all the good stuff you achieved and fixate on the one thing you said that wasn’t as kind or understanding as you wish it was.

If you’ve got that ‘should’ bug, whatever you do will have an element of stress to it.

A lot of people who exercise , meditate, eat healthily and follow their dreams are actually internally stressed because so much of what they are doing is driven by a quiet, deep fear. They’re victims of perfection abuse.

They’re doing everything ‘right’ according to some script they have picked up on their travels through their life.

“This is what a Successful Life looks like. This is how my Best Self would be.”

If you think you know how something is supposed to look like or be, you’re probably missing out on how it actually is.

When you’re so busy in your head, assessing yourself for perfection. then you cant really open to whatever is happening or feel it. You miss out on the experience.

If you are too busy working on making your relationship good and trying to be a perfect partner, then you might not notice that your partner is not a nice person or isn’t really making an effort.

There isn’t a way anything ‘should’ be. There’s only the way it actually is.

And when you let your ‘should’ go, you can allow yourself to feel more and experience more of your life. You can accept yourself more. You have more permission to exist as you.

And it feels good!

If you loved yourself, what ‘should’ would you drop right now?

I’d love to hear.

leave me a comment. i'd love to know What you think.

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Eilat Aviram is a Daring-Decisions Teacher.

She's worked with people for 25 years as a clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, best-selling author, speaker and energy-healing teacher and she is passionate about helping people dare to love themselves in their moments of decision and find the courage to live their truth.

Eilat Aviram