Stop Judging Yourself!

By Eilat Aviram

A while back I had a very healing experience.


I sat in a large group of seekers, light-beings and energy-workers. These were serious folk who are involved with and influential in many different areas of society. We did an exercise where each of us had to describe how we see our self in the present and how we’d like to see our self in the future.

Apparently doing this triggered off our paradigm of self-judgement. None of us meant to do it, but there it was; our belief that somehow the current-day us was not ‘good enough’. One by one we expressed some version of, “How I am now is not as good as how I will be later”, “When I learn more, grow more, be more of who I am – then it’ll be something really good”. In my turn I expressed my version of’ “When I’m more of what I want and less of what I don’t, want it’ll be better”.


Really? Still?

When I saw this pattern in almost all of us, it was a strong moment for me. I looked around a room full of some truly astounding folk who are doing beautiful work in the world, whose hearts are stretched open daily, whose courage is inspiring and whose beauty I can EASILY see – yet here they all are saying what’s ‘wrong’ with them.

What was more fascinating was that many of us talked about our future self as though it was a far-away dream when in fact each of us has already got the qualities we are striving for. I actually mean we were expressing desiring things we already have – but don’t fully acknowledge. You know what I mean? You hear people doing that every day. “I wish I had more patience” you say to your friend. “You?!” she shrieks back, “You’re the most patient person I know!”


What I found so healing about having my face rubbed in this habit of minimising myself was that I could see what a truly irrelevant thing it is to do to oneself. It’s pure nonsense. So I’m giving up that habit now.

What does ‘wrong’ mean anyway?

When we see a deer, for example, we don’t really notice that one leg is a little crooked or it eats strange things or its coat doesn’t have a sheen. To us it’s a deer, one of nature’s beautiful and precious creatures going about its business. We’re not so fussed with the details. Even if it doesn’t behave like a normal deer we just find that interesting, we don’t judge the deer for it. Why do we think it’s different for us humans?

Self-judgement is a killer, it really is. You greeted your child, loved him, fed him, bathed him, read to him, cuddled him and then after he called you back to his bedside for the third time you snapped at him. You overlook ALL of the good stuff and berate yourself for snapping.

You have learned to manage your anxiety much better than before, you are getting on with your life but you still tell yourself you can’t do anything.

You look at all the other men out there and convince yourself that their wives are perfectly satisfied with them – you’re the only one that’s not ok.

Really people? REALLY?

So I’ll say it again, I’ll say it a thousand times. We are just fine. We are glorious, beautiful human creatures just going about our business. I see this so clearly in each person I work with – just as I could see it in that group. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with any of us. We are just humans on a journey. You can’t get it wrong and you can’t get it right. It’s just a journey and you are perfect on it.

It really stings when we focus on where we are getting it ‘wrong’. It hurts a lot. But all the thoughts that sting are just pointers to where we have forgotten that we are just fine as we are. The things that ail us are always helping us come back to our centre. My inadequacies and my pain about them are my soul pointing out that I have wandered away from home and home is where I can see that I am PERFECT as I am right now. Just like you.

Altogether now;


Sing it people!


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    1. Eilat Aviram says:

      Thanks Jacs. I’m always so touched when you say things like that.

    1. Eilat Aviram says:

      KING! I hereby crown you King of The Understatement. So much said with just one word… Seriously G, I take my hat off to your insidious yet profound use of the English language. Whew man.

  1. just what I needed to hear today…..thank you 🙂

    1. Eilat Aviram says:

      Yay Josie. I’m so glad it gave you something you needed today 🙂

  2. I love this. I had an attack of self-judgement just this weekend. It was unproductive except that I recognized in the moment that I was being unnecessarily harsh. The next step for me would be to determine what brought it on. Some fear triggered it I’m sure. Thanks, as always, for your writing!

    1. Eilat Aviram says:

      Wow Rachel that’s quite a step to see it as it happens in the moment. Inspiring! I’m glad this post affirmed your knowing you are fine AS YOU ARE. Even WITH the self-judgement. I like your comment that its just fear. Pah! We LAUGH in the face of fear! Right?
      I see the self-judgement happening mostly when I step outside of myself and look through what I think someone else’s eyes would be. If I’m just IN my moment I can see everything is fine.

      We’ll just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…

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Eilat Aviram is a Daring-Decisions Teacher.

She's worked with people for 25 years as a clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, best-selling author, speaker and energy-healing teacher and she is passionate about helping people dare to love themselves in their moments of decision and find the courage to live their truth.

Eilat Aviram