Remember stillness?
Before the constant noise and busy-ness. When you had a Sunday morning to just ‘be’ and no-one would drag you out of your reverie. Wake up late, read a book, make yourself something to eat, watch a movie, hang out with friends and have long conversations, not leave the couch…
Or the times you had an evening alone and you pottered contentedly around your house, doing odd jobs, talking on the phone, doing some hobby or project until you had enough…
Or went to the beach, for a hike, to the movies on your own or with another adult…
Lately I’ve really needed my own space. My own time to do my thing – whatever it may be – without being dragged out of it to make a snack, wipe a bum, prepare supper, clean something someone else dirtied, urge resistant children to tidy up, brush teeth, get in the car…
Lately though, even when I get time to myself, I don’t feel satisfied.
Am I moaning and complaining? I think so.
I don’t like not getting what I perceive I need but I feel bad for complaining about what I have. What I have is so totally awesome.
Yesterday outside a shop I saw some young hip and happening guys pull up in a bright yellow, super-cool car. They hopped out in their oh-so-trendy outfits and haircuts and then, surprise, one reached into the car, pulled out a little ‘un, swung him onto his hip in a warm and comfortable intimacy and they headed inside. It looked so easy for him.
And I, Queen of “Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides”, compared myself to this illusion and wailed quietly, “Why is it so easy for him and so hard for me?”
Later I was reassured by a conversation with a friend who affirmed that other people have insides too. That this parenting thing demands a lot when you are conscious and want to do your best.
Consciousness is a double-edged sword at times isn’t it? Living unthinkingly seems to demand less – then again, you lose your Life driver’s licence, your sense of meaning and purpose, not to mention those very rich, beautiful moments awareness intermittently surprises you with.
I just KNOW I’m missing the point. I see the point. It keeps tapping at me, buzzing all around me. I’m aware of it, I engage with it a little but then I swat it away. So let me tell it, I see it:
I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED AND WANT, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.
See Point? I know you’re there. I’m just avoiding you, that’s all.
The Baghavad Gita explores doing everything as a yoga, a purposeful conscious action that is in alignment with the Divine. Every action then becomes joyful – whether you like what you’re doing or not. Most spiritual practices speak of gratitude for every moment no matter how unpleasant. Modernised spiritual practice – aka Mindfulness – reminds me to be IN every moment. Then everything is FOR me, everything is enriching, life is satisfying.
So why am I resisting practicing this regularly when it’s obviously what I’m hankering for? My opening to gratitude and each moment has been like a flickering lightbulb. I fight, I struggle, it’s unpleasant and then I remember to open and suddenly everything is ok. I am at peace. I have stillness despite the busy-ness around me. The stillness is INSIDE me.
Then I forget again.
I’m writing today to acknowledge it and remind myself what I KNOW.
This moment, right now, is a perfectly contained bit of everything I want and need.
And this moment
And this one…
Bring your attention to your breath right now, notice it for a few cycles. As best you can, drop into your heart space – where you look at the world from your heart, not your head. Now open your heart to what IS.
It’s all good.
Do this 10,000 times a day and you will have all you want and need.
Let’s try it this week and let each other know how it goes?
Pass this on.
Oh ye….the push and pull of parenting and functioning in this world. The constant sabotage of what we hope to feel, think, do, and then the letting go to just ‘be’. The reminder of going back to our breathing , no judgement, and opening to the still and loving heart space. So my
phrase for today / week will be “everything is Yoga”….thank you
LOve Jacs
LOVE it Jacs! Made me laugh and feel inspired at the same time. I’m in.
EVERYTHING IS YOGA.
Yeah baby!
And the energy of it is so calming. I may come back to read your comment when i need a reminder.
Whew. Yes. Dropping into the heart space is SO DIFFICULT when the (MY!) massively controlling brain blocks access. All. The. Time. So thank you for this reminder. And also for expressing that frequent feeling about others seemingly doing it more easily. This awareness path is difficult. Brilliant. Breathtaking. Inspiring. And more demanding, I think. My fervent belief that it is true and right for me and hopefully for my children keeps me on it, but my goodness… what a ride. Thank you!!
I KNOW right?! I’m glad you say it – and about how your head blocks you from just being in heart where everything is clear and simple and obvious. I look at all those walking around not thinking about all this stuff … it sure does look easier sometimes. Maybe what we need to focus on is removing all the head stuff… hmmm, now that’s worth a thought. Thanks for the inspiration Anne. You can expect a follow up post on this one 🙂
So here’s the thing: I teach yoga. My body has been demanding more groundedness. More stopping. More calm. And more listening from the supreme-controller, AKA my mind. A year ago that manifested as a near-shutdown of my physical being. Scary as hell. While the terror brought forth by that moment continues to ricochet throughout my being, I am learning slowly to slow down and just BE. Which in turn (some very rare times!) allows my children to just BE. When I find that sweet spot it’s magic 🙂
Thanks for the reminder. Look forward to the follow-up post!
Oh yes, the body as another teacher. I love your ‘sweet spot’ comment.
Seriously what I’m getting from the community today is reminders of what I have. All these helpers in the ultimate task of being present to each moment. Our children, our body… Anne that terror still has some very deep gift to offer you if it’s still hanging around. I wish for you the courage and faith to sit in stillness and have a chat with it. I wonder how being in the moment affects it? Let us know?
OH YEAH from me too.
Hooray! Let’s DO this thing!
Loved it, as always! I have days like yesterday, when I have my kids help me cook dinner and we are so simply happy together. And then there are other days when I just cannot escape the noise. I’m taking your challenge this week of applying a “This moment contains every thing I need right now.”
I’m so glad you had a joy-filled day yesterday 🙂 May you have many more. Isn’t it crazy though – your ‘cannot escape the noise’ comment? There’s just no telling when the joy moments will come either. Sometimes it’s at the strangest times that I feel bliss for no ‘good reason’. Then other times when everything should be great I don’t feel it. I did the moments yesterday as much as I remembered and it was a really nice and satisfying day. Let me know how it goes for you. I’d love to hear.
Hi Eilat,
Ah, that feeling – when we constantly forget to remember to open…. until it gets so bad… that we have no choice but to remember. Thanks for reminding me to open before I have to go through a bad patch to wake me up! 🙂
Amen!
Thanks Eilat. So many precious nuggets here. So many. I feel an explosion of richness and in it all the still place comes with the reminder that this moment right now contains a little of everything I want and need” when I read it my whole being screeched to a halt going “REALLY?!” and checked in. I loved the feeling of that so I’m gonna be repeating it – repeatedly – with as little attachment as possible -hie hie.
Ah yes, attachment… hie hie!
Love this “when I read it my whole being screeched to a halt going “REALLY?!” and checked in” Long may we remember to do that. Thanks Eva