Joy, Freedom, Avoidance and Keeping Your Self

By Eilat Aviram

Last week I said the way to keep your Self while parenting (or working or living or loving) is by constantly checking in with how you feel or think about something – like you would with someone else’s child that you’re watching over. I spoke about living your life from the inside out.

After all, this is YOUR life so of course you’d ask the owner of a life what he or she wants to do with it. Right?

looking inside

It should be so easy too. There you are in a moment something is happening. You assess the situation and everyone’s needs and ask yourself, “How does this feel to me? What is my sense? What action would be for my highest good now?” Then you take that action.


Simple, yes, but oh, so complicated. Because we don’t do that, do we? Actually many of us would rather put ourselves into horrible situations than feel out a situation, allow for our true sense of it and take the necessary action for our highest good. It’s such an uncomfortable thought that when I suggest this idea people often roll their eyes and tell me it’s such a mission to have to also pay attention to themselves the whole time as well as everything else. “I’d love to do that, but really it’s not possible most of the time.”

How weird ARE we?

See, the truth is that asking yourself what you truly feel about something (like your marriage or your job or how the teacher at school behaves) is very scary – especially if you follow that up with, “What action would be for my highest good now?”

Listening to yourself means receiving knowledge that might demand you take risk – like speaking up, or making a change.

Then sometimes we do listen to our self but then we say, “I know I should do it but I just can’t”. Oh, and of course listening to yourself means you get in touch with your feelings.

No wonder we avoid it.

BUT listening to yourself also offers a lifetime of joy, passion and inner purpose. I’m not kidding – it’s the path to your true happiness.

It takes a lifetime to grow into yourself, learn to take responsibility, understand who you are, what you need and how to inhabit your life in the way that feels best to you and those around you. But did you know that everything in your life is supporting and helping you with this task?

Like radar pings off external objects tell a submarine what its position is, so too are your children, your boss, your financial situation showing you where you are with your Self. Like this:

Ouch, I didn’t manage to stop myself shouting; I can see I’m still wounded about not being listened to. Oh I spoke out; hooray, I’ve moved on from thinking I can’t have an opinion. Yikes, I spent too much money on that silly thing I didn’t need; I see I have a belief about deprivation and a fear of having money. Oh I really helped my friend by listening without interrupting. That feels nice; I see I’ve healed some of that old hurt about being taken for granted. Stupid driver cut me off and endangered my and my children’s lives! Ah yes, I still have fear when others show inconsiderate behaviour… and on and on. Ping! Ping! Ping!

When you know where you are, like a submarine, you can decide which direction you want to head. Otherwise you move around in murky circles. THAT’S why you want to listen to yourself. Because you can head for the joy.


You always have choice. When you listen to yourself you can also ask, “Is this something I want to do anything about?” The choice for action is always yours. The consequences are also always yours.

Are you choosing joy?

Would listening to your Self more help?


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  1. Hi, I like the submarine analogy… makes a lot of sense. Great blog. Gis

    1. Eilat Aviram says:

      Gis, I love that you drop in and comment. I hope your submarine is where you want it to be and that you keep heading for joy!

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Eilat Aviram is a Daring-Decisions Teacher.

She's worked with people for 25 years as a clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, best-selling author, speaker and energy-healing teacher and she is passionate about helping people dare to love themselves in their moments of decision and find the courage to live their truth.

Eilat Aviram