I’m so excited about the unpleasant, painful wake-up I had when I lost it at my poor precious child the other day. I do wish he could have been spared that experience and I really do prefer gentler lessons for myself but still, the result of it for me – and in the long run for him – is such a gift.
You see the thing is that, after years of deliberately clearing away the emotional and psychological debris from my earlier years, I walk around feeling pretty good most of the time. People who meet me generally see me as outgoing, confident and happy – and it’s true. I mostly am. I’m not constantly anguished by the deeper wounds that lurk below and drive me unconsciously. Most of the time I can’t easily access the fear-based motives that drive me towards or away from certain options in my life.
Why would I want access to them? Well, because if they are fear-based they are almost always preventing me from going for stuff that is likely to be wonderful. For example maybe I wish I could do something but some part of me resists it or gets scared – even though I can see I really want it or that it’ll be so good for me.
We have hidden agendas that form when we are little and they are based on fears that were true then – if she doesn’t love me I might die – but they are not true now. They are installed there, running those programmes, unchallenged and untouchable – unless they are triggered.
That’s when magic begins.
Scientific research into psychological and emotional change shows us that in order for proper change to occur the emotional event needs to be strongly elicited. Following that there is a five-hour window during which that pattern can be changed completely and permanently. We change it by offering our brain a contradictory alternative to the current belief and feeling and then repeating the process a few times – the one you don’t want, the one you do want, the one you don’t want, the one you do want…
There are a number of techniques that are using this science now with jaw-dropping effects – NLP, EMDR, BWRT, EFT… a whole lotta acronyms, a whole lotta power to change. They all use this premise; strongly activate the problematic programming, bring awareness to it, then bring in a preferred alternative and repeatedly activate the sequence. Each of these techniques can resolve even long-standing post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, anger etc sometimes in a matter of minutes, sometimes over a few sessions.
Are you getting this? We can only change the deeply buried stuff when it is triggered. It may be guiding us to self-sabotage, avoiding real intimacy, fear of success, explosive anger while driving, freaking out at our child, depression, low self-esteem….but we can’t access it in the usual course of events when we are well-defended and getting along well enough.
When we are triggered we have a five-hour window to change those patterns FOR EVER! ‘Bad’ things trigger us. The stuff that hurts or makes us scared or angry or hopeless – and all that other stuff we avoid – is coming along TO HELP US. Loss, trauma, our child driving us nuts, those events are helping us make the changes we say we long for. In fact, in my practice I often see those things coming IN RESPONSE to pleas for help.
“I wish I could change” someone tells me and WHAM along comes a helper in the form of some event that cracks open the surface and exposes the underflow. Usually the response is a desperate, “I’m doing my best. Why did this have to happen now?!” A more appropriate response would be, “Thank you.”
The bad things are good things. They are help on the way. What you do with that help is up to you.
Is there any help going on in your life right now? Are you fighting it or welcoming its gifts?