I’ve known for a long time there are some things I need to try.
Parts of me get SO enthused at the thought of doing those new things that I giggle in glee at the fun I’ll have. Then there are other parts of me that are so rigid in fear that sections of my body have literally become rigid and painful.
The scared parts of me fight hard against the change and they bring Fear and Doubt to help them. This is how they sound, “Who do I think I am to dream all this? I’m just another little human. Maybe I can’t do this, I’d better not try. Actually I don’t even think I want to do this. Maybe it’s just my ego. Why would anyone choose to do this? It’s a lot of effort and energy with no obvious outcome. How will it earn me money? What if I fail? Then everyone will see I’ve failed and that will feel so shameful.”
Ugh. Those parts talk a good game. Damn them.
They can create a fog around my mind that is difficult to see out of. In clear moments it’s SO SIMPLE. Ah, just do it. Then the fog comes and I walk in circles a while, get tired and sit down in one spot again.
Stephen Cope calls doubt the ‘invisible affliction’. He says doubt paralyses us so much that sometimes we put down a folding chair at the crossroads and stay there for the rest of our lives.
Well, today I’m done with all that, yes I am. I’m packing up my chair and moving on. Gonna do this thing. I have no doubt (ha ha) that those henchmen Doubt and Fear will return with their confusing fog but I can see. All I need is an unwavering decision and consistent actions that are in line with that decision. As the Buddha said, “As long as you are facing the right direction, all you have to do is keep walking”.
What became even clearer to me today is that every time I don’t head towards what I want, I am in fact heading towards what I don’t want.
How’s that for a thought?
When I don’t take the action I know I need to take, I am – in that very moment – creating a life that will be dissatisfying to me. That point – and all the similar points which follow – is the one to blame when later I wail, “How did I get here? How did I land up in this situation?”
So in short, what I realised today is, I do, or I die. I almost called this post DO OR DIE, PEOPLE! When I say ‘Die’ I mean it in the sense of losing my spirit piece by piece, losing the joy of life and the will to live. Because really, who wants to live a life full of things they don’t want?
It’s never too late. You can move towards yourself or away from yourself at every moment. We choose EVERY SINGLE MOMENT:
- To doubt or to trust ourselves.
- To honour what we know to be true or to turn away from that truth.
- To focus on what’s crap or focus on what feels better.
- To open our heart or close it.
- To look or look away.
- To take action or not.
- To act from love or act from ego.
And on and on. And each choice takes you closer or further from the life you want, from the person you most want to become. Which is why it’s never too late to come home to your Self – in your parenting, in your job, in your relationship…
If you don’t, what awaits you? What sort of child, job, relationship?
Do or Die, People!
I choose me. What about you?